One Slow Week

it's been an uneventful week of training since the last race. i sort of tapered off and shut down for a few days before the rain, but with a break between storms on saturday, i did manage to get out and participate in a club ride up the coast. that was actually a blast.
i showed up and introduced myself, and someone recognized my name from the race results. he said they had been wondering who i was and were gald to finally have me show up for a ride. sweet. that feels like pressure. my favorite!
it was only the second time i'd been out with the team/club. i was about 10lbs heavier the first time i'd shown up, and the season hadn't even started yet. so there were a lot of unfamiliar faces. i didn't know who were the fast guys and who was there just to have fun, but once we were all warmed up it became pretty obvious.
rides like these are always fun, because the entire thing usually turns into a good-spirited pissing contest. and it did, and since i was the new guy, i took the opportunity to sit back and watch for a while.
there was even one girl who hung in and took a good pull on the front, and this was about the point i decided i'd better have a go at it, lest they all think i was a wuss.
my first turn up front was nothing special. i really don't know what it is about going north, but i never seem to feel strong in that direction. odd, seeing as there was a tailwind that morning.
there were a couple of separations in the group, and i was able to close those gaps pretty well near the halfway point.
i was hoping for a shot at the sprint to the sign on the hill at the turnaround point, but that never really materialized. everyone just sort of stopped shut down before the bottom of the hill, turned around and started the reverse route into the wind. suck.
once over the first rise, i went up front and began what i hoped would be a short pull. but after a minute or so, no one seemed to want to relieve me, so i pugged away.

for about 5 minutes.

now, considering the typical pull on a training ride paceline is about 30 seconds, i think this qualified as going above and beyond!
it felt great, though. i hadn't done much work to that point, so i figured i should get up there and test myself. plus, i ride this route all the time, and i know i can burn right through this section.
once i let off the gas and moved aside, i got a few "nice work's," and pats on the back, but one guy told me i had just set a new standard =)

can't believe i just boasted about a training ride. it was a confidence-inspiring ride, to say the least, and i guess that's the point.

anyway, it's always nice to get a race pace group ride in whenever possible. you never come way from them without learning something new, meeting new folks, or just generally keeping the skills sharp.

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this weekend is the CBR Dash 4 Cash in dominguez hills, then the week after i'll be racing the Tour De Murrieta, which is a two day stage race. that should be fun. one of the stages is a road race. last time i ventured outside of my criterium comfort zone, i finished pretty poorly. this season is going to be different.

A little better still...(race report)

today was the CBR Anger Management Criterium in long beach. it was the last of a three race "tune-up and assessment" schedule i had planned before taking a few weeks to work on areas that need tweaking and then going full force into the season ahead.

i hadn't done a ton of training in the week leading up to the race because i had a lot of work to finish before a weekend deadline. so the price i paid for being the first class procrastinator i am was that i would not be able to get out and ride on thursday and friday.
thankfully, this didn't end-up being a problem, though. i was able to do an easy 50-60 miles with a friend on saturday that got the legs loose, so that was good. what wasn't so good was my decision to go for a short run with her immediately afterwards. i haven't run more than a couple of easy miles or so in the last few weeks, so i knew i'd end-up being sore the next day - and i was. nothing the all-important good, extended warm-up couldn't remedy the next morning, though. right?

right...

so i got lost on my way to the venue in some eerie-looking industrial area of long beach. a wrong turn here coupled with a another there and one more here, and all i could find was the wrong place. over and over. and i had directions, dammit.
i had left a little early to give myself some extra time to find the place, but by the time i did finally find the damned track, i only had a good twenty minutes to get signed-in, numbered-up, warmed-up, and lined-up. and since the warm-up is the only thing on that list not required to participate in a bike race, it went down the toilet with every wrong turn i took while getting lost. my only warm-up was the two laps i took around the course before lining up at the start. beautiful.
so not only was i sore now, but i was also lined-up cold and dry. never a good way to start! obviously i haven't quite worked out all of the bugs in my pre-race routine yet...

moving on.

we got our race instructions and 'please be safe out there' speach from the race official, and finally we were off on our official warm-up lap. this was actually a good opportunity to get the legs going a bit more as the pack took a pretty quick pace back around to take the start.
by no means did i feel i was ready to set the world on fire, but i did feel much better now. my head was on straight and i was pretty focused. i just needed to hang in until i felt ready to mix it up a little. if you remember just a few weeks ago, i hadn't yet built up the confidence needed to deal with these situations and i paid for it in the first race. now i feel ready to tackle whatever mental hurdle pops up. what a difference a few weeks makes.

once they gave us the signal to roll out, i was relieved that no one seemed to feel the need to try and get a jump on the rest of the field. this meant i had that much more time to get a feel for the course and get the blood flowing before the whips really got a'crackin'.
i spent the first few laps on the inside-middle portion of the pack. not a place i typically feel comfortable, but i felt it was a necessary risk in case the pace picked up. this way i'd have no trouble staying in the draft and i wouldn't have to work overtime when reacting to accelerations off the corners.
that eventually became too much for me to handle, though, because it seemed that no one had either the ability or desire to negotiate the corners smoothly and safely. it was stressing me out a little, so i made an effort to move to the outside, because it's really no fun being stuck with no place to go when you're watching a bunch of chuckleheads tense up and get twitchy right in front of you everytime something like the need to TURN arises. you can be the best bike handler out there, but your ability is greatly limited by the trust or lack thereof that you have in the riders a round you.
it took me a while to get there because the pack was bunched pretty tight, but i did manage to get outside and felt a lot better(read: safer). i was able to move from the back to the front with relative ease and without having to worry about what was happening in the pit. things just never seem as sketchy when you're outside. you're not fully integrated, but not completely disconnected, either. and as long as you pay attention and have some extra go sauce to keep up with the surges, you're never out of it. to me it's a very worthy comprimise.

i'll just go ahead and say i felt great after a few laps and felt as though i had a good chance of making something happen if i just played my cards right. i was really counting on my tactics to help me match or improve upon last week's 5th place, so i just concentrated on staying close to the front 1/3 of the pack and mostly outside.
there were a couple of times where i inadvertantly got close to the pointy end of the group, but i had no intention of being a hero, so i backed off it pretty quickly and slid back through the pack. in my mind, there's no glory in heading the peloton unless you're doing it across the finish line.

in spite of my comments about twitchy riders and the always present poor cornering skills of some other riders, this was a very, very cleanly run race. a couple of near misses here and there, but no mishaps at all. i was really impressed with the group as a whole for keeping everything in order the entire time. unfortunately, races like these are few and far between.

as always, once we were down to the five lap count, the pace picked up considerably and everyone who thought they had a shot began to inch towards the front. again, i felt great, but being that this is where i tend to get a little excited and overcalculate things, i just did my best to stay calm and settle down. i knew exactly what i wanted to do, and i had my comfy spot on the outside, which would allow me to move forward anytime i wanted. so i stayed there and made sure no one tried to barge me off of my line.

once we took the bell for the last lap, the speed really jumped up and everyone started to really fight for a good position on the front. well, i've never known that to be a good spot to work from, so i stayed put outside.
as soon as we exited the second-to-last corner with about 1/4 mile to go, i broke the draft and gunned it to move right up with the front guys. i could tell it was about to go off, and as soon as i saw the first guy jump entering the final righthand turn, i hit the afterburners and went after him, uncorking the shiny new sprint that i've been working on.
well, i could instantly tell he was a lot faster than me(apparently a little more work to do on that sprint), so i just did my best to hang on for 2nd place.

it's funny, because it's true when they say everything seems to happen in slow motion. with the adrenaline pumping and nothing but the wind in your ears and the whirring of everyone's wheels around you(or behind you. sweet!), you're locked in. careening down the tunnel. no more pack. no more corners.
all you want is for that finish line to come to you, but it almost seems to run away while everyone you're running from just gets closer. you notice someone to the right gaining on you, slowly but surely. then you dig deeper than you ever thought possible.

"come on, come on, come on, COME ON!!!"

and finally it stops running...

...just in time for that bastard(all due respect) to nip you for 2nd.

that effing finish line. sometimes it's like that girl you really want who chooses someone else. you don't know why, but you kinda do, and it's not for a lack of trying. it stings like hell for a little bit. but in the end there's nothing you can do about it, so you just move forward, hopefully with better luck next time.

story. of. my. life!

and like a lot of things in life, bike racing is all about the chase and knowing when and how or why to make your move. it is an intoxicating, addicting sport where even if you don't win every week - even if you don't come close, you have to take everything as a lesson learned. it's the only way to improve. the important thing is that you're honest with yourself and the effort you make. if you approach it that way and you never, ever, ever give up, then you cannot lose. you cannot fail. because eventually you're going to figure it out and get it right.

Night and Day(race report)

as i mentioned before, today i carpooled way out to BFE el centro with a couple of racing buddies to compete in the imperial classic. aside from the long drive and having a tough time finding the venue, i think it was a pretty good day overall.

i had five days to obsess over the well-documented pre-race mistakes i made last week. the biggest, again, being that i didn't get much of a warm-up in at all. and i mean a few minutes of soft-pedalling on the trainer was it. not even enough to break a sweat before doing my sighting lap. fortunately, yesterday was much different. i thought all week about warming up and nothing else until friday night when i went for a run and visualized my pre-race routine by focusing on nothing but that. it must have worked great, because i couldn't even tell you how far i ran.

once we(jason, ben, and myself) arrived at the venue, we signed in and got our numbers. and as soon as that was done, the bike went on the trainer, the headphones were jammed in my ears, and i started my warm-up. the first good sign was that within five minutes i was covered in sweat and my legs felt nice and peppy. and once i knew i was ready to go, i then turned my focus to getting a good roll-off and staying near the front so as not to have a repeat of the first lap ass-kicking i received a week prior.

well, that almost didn't happen, because i was so locked-in and zoned-out on the trainer that i nearly missed the start. it was only when ben walked over and told me everyone was staging at the line that i realized what was going on. and with about ONE minute to go, i still had to put my jersey and gloves on while he zapped my tires and got my bike off the trainer. when i finally got over to the line, i was the last one to roll up with about...oh..20 seconds 'til the start. as it turned out, though, this might have actually been a good thing because that final pannicked minute probably helped my hear rate stay right where it needed to be and keep my mind on the race.

i got to hear the last few seoconds of the race referee's instructions, and once we were given the signal to roll i made a conscious effort to move towards the front of the group. it was a little tough with about ten guys trying to catch the rest of us off guard by hammering away in an effort to blow up as much of the pack as possible before the end of the first lap. and i have to admit i started to get a little worried when the effort i put in to stay with them sent my heart rate through the roof for the first few laps. but once i was able to settle in, i found that i was easily matching the fastest riders' accelerations out of the corners. unlike last week when i started all the way in the rear and didn't have the ability to get up to the front guys, today i had already made the decision to latch on to every move. in fact, it's safe to say i made that decision as early as last monday. and while it took the first few uncomfortable laps to settle in, i finally managed to grab the front ten and stick with them.

after that, the rest of the race was rather uneventful if you take out the moment where i had to lock up my rear wheel at 25mph on a straightaway because the guy in front of me decided to sit up and stop pedalling when everyone else was getting out of the saddle to drive into the next corner. plus, one sketchy moment after another while having to adjust to one of the many cornering-challenged boneheads in the early laps. there was one attempt by the front five riders that almost got away, but i figured since i paid my $19 to race, there was no way i was going to let that happen. the two dewalt guys didn't seem real interested in chasing them down(those guys never seem to want to make much of an effort), so as i went around one of them, i said, "don't try so hard." those two weren't willing to take any pulls, so i ended-up bringing everyone back to the front group on my own. they weren't the only ones i talked to over the last few laps, though. i found myself barking out orders and suggestions to hopefully keep people from making stupid and dangerous moves on the last lap. honestly, i don't really care about anyone else at this point. spill all the blood you want as long as it's not mine!

coming around on the final lap, i was part of a group of maybe ten riders on the front of the race, fighting for the win. and with two corners left, i was in what i thought was great position to get at least a top three. but as i tried to sweep around the outside on the final righthand turn, someone had the bright idea of breaking formation mid-corner without even glancing to his left and realizing he was totally boxed in. as i reacted to that genius move and avoided a sure collision, i was sent careening to the far side of the street at a less than ideal angle which actually robbed me of a lot of useful momentum when i had to both avoid crashing into someone's front yard and keep enough momentum to stay with the leaders. i did manage to do that, but in the time it took me to recover, i went from 5th wheel to dangling off of the last guy in line. the finish was about 300 meters from the last corner, and it turned i would need all of it and every ounce of strength i had left to build up enough steam and get back around some guys to cross the line 5th. a good result but hugely disappointing knowing that i could easily have taken a top 3 or the victory. i know stuff like that happens all the time. it's not the first time i've been victimized by another rider's carelessness/overzealousness and it certainly won't be the last, but i still feel like i should have placed a little higher in the end, nonetheless.

overall, a great result if you consider last week's result and essentially "re-learning" how to race in my head over the following five days. hopefully i can learn as much from this very encouraging result as i did from last week's fail fest and keep the momentum going in the right direction.

Aw Christ...

I had inked-in the st. valentine's massacre on my schedule for this sunday, but after registering on sunday night, i received an e-mail three days later. it said, "i'm sorry, but due to a problem with our registration system, you were able to register for an even that was already full. your fee has been refunded. sorry for the inconvenience."
now, instead of getting up at 6:30am and driving 70 miles to race a relatively local event in brea on sunday, i'll be leaving at 3am and carpooling almost 200 miles to race in imperial valley on saturday.

bogus. but i've never been there. maybe there's a good burger joint and it'll all pay off.

but hey, good news...
the training thing has been going nicely this week. after a couple of high intesity climbing rides on monday and tuesday, i decided to head out on a moderately paced cruise up the coast to dana point just to clear the head and revitalize a little.
despite being a little on the cool side, one can never overestimate the value of a good "fun" ride just to remind yourself that this sport isn't always about burning lungs and legs. and while i'm actually a little sore today, i feel much better for it.

on another training-related note, i've also managed to lose close to 10lbs since mid-december. i'm 167 now. i don't know if this is good, bad, or what, i'm definitely not generating the power i was 6 months ago when i was closer to 180. let's see how that pans out over the next couple of months as the schedule intensifies a little and the races become more and more important.

Confessional

i keep mentioning the mental aspect of racing because it's really the toughest part for me. but it's not just racing. it's in most areas of life. i have always been the guy who's friends describe as being good at everything, but when things begin to matter i've typically made a habit of choking and making terrible, rash decisions that i wouldn't normally make. i have to admit that when this happens, i tend to rationalize or justify my poor decision-making by telling myself that it's ok. because at least i had the balls to take a chance. the reality, though, is that the need to take that chance was more than likely brought about by a poor choice i probably made to put me in that position in the first place. kind of like what happened on sunday.
see... in the case of bike racing, i guess i tend to choke in the area of preparation. and it's a result of being overly analytical, introspective, and trying TOO hard to relax, which causes me to effectively mentally detach myself from the task at hand and consequently not put in the effort i need to.

that's me. mr. close-but-no-cigar. great at training and practice, but maybe not so hot in the clutch. i abhor pressure, and and it's most likely due to a sometimes irrational fear of failure.

so with the nonsuccess of the past weekend, i went ahead and started a list of reminders to help get me dialed-in in the hour before the race when i should be concentrating on nothing but preparing.

number one on that list: for god's sake, FOCUS!

someone said that you can certainly learn more from giving all of yourself in a losing effort than a winning one. i'm gonna have to say i agree with whoever that was.

Sir, your shipment of SUCK has arrived(race report)

on february 3, 2008, i recorded my worst finish ever in a criterium. 18th...

if i had to grade my performance on various aspects of this race, it would look something like this:

mental prep: FAIL
i'll go ahead and admit that i was not mentally prepared to race on this day in these conditions. from the moment i woke up this morning and heard the rain falling and wind blowing, i began to wish i hadn't registered for this race. and although i had zero intentions of bailing on it, i just wasn't able to get my head into the game when i really needed to. when i pulled into the parking lot and stepped out of my car into a pouring rain, the first word out of my mouth was simply "bogus..." when it should have been something like "i love the smell of napalm in the morning!"
and when my rain jacket ripped as i put it on, i only viewed this as further indication as to the trend my day would follow.

warm-up: FAIL
let me just say that there's a whole lot to be said for practicing what you preach. and i did not.
anytime someone asks me how i get ready for a race, i always tell them the same thing - that your pre-race warm-up will almost always determine how the rest of your day shapes up. as with any other sport, if you aren't already sweating and ready to go at the sound of the gun, your chances of success have already greatly diminished before you ever clip in and roll off.
i arrived at the venue almost two hours before race time, and i still somehow managed to not leave myself enough time to warm-up. instead, i dicked around and talked to people i hadn't seen in a while, and before i knew it, there were only twenty minutes left before my race. then, in another epic-but-totally-characteristic mental error, i forgot to attach my race number to my jersey. as trivial as it seems, this is not the easiest thing to do when pressed for time, and it turns out it's near impossible when your hands are wet and freezing.

fail, fail, fail.

well, as soon as i got that damned number pinned on my jersey, i hopped on the bike and took a quick observation lap around the course. this was my first time seeing the entire thing, by the way, since i hadn't taken the opportunity to walk around and watch what lines everyone was using in and out of the corners. given the conditions, having this knowledge would have been pretty valuable. but again not having my head somewhere outside of my ass was not helping me much.

mental game: FAIL
aside from the all-important warm-up, something i always tell people about racing is that you should always start near the front and do everything in your power to stay there over the course of the race. whether or not you accomplish this is usually a direct result of that warm-up and the confidence that acompanies it.

once i rolled up to take the start, i found all of my friends sitting near the back. and in spite of agreeing to work together today, none of them looked any more enthused about being there than i was. no one seemed to actually want to be here, doing this on this day. and true to form for the day, i jettisoned the last bit of wisdom that might have kept me in this thing with a shot at contending by staying there with them. i should have known at this point that none of them would be of any help to me and gone ahead with my own race.
i would pay dearly for this one, and it would happen before the first turn of the first lap when after a very brisk start that i predicted wouldn't happen, someone caused a wreck right in front of us. this ultimately causing about ten of us to slow just enough for 80% of field to get away. in case you didn't catch it: FIRST LAP, people, and i was already off the back with what would turn out to be ten of the slowest riders on the course. this is what it took to wake me up.

as i watched the rest of the field roll around the first corner with a huge gap between them and us, all i could do was say...."$%#@!!!"

the race was already over in my head, but i still had 35 minutes to work and try to reveal the silver lining of this cloud.

fortitude: PASS
i got my wake-up call, and after the first few cold and painful laps, i was finally able to find a good, fast line and settle into a rythm with a huge sense of urgency that hadn't been there the entire morning up to this point. from the third lap on, i was in time trial mode. solo, all-out, all the time. i knew there was virtually no chance of catching the fastest guys without any help, but with every rider or group of riders i passed over the next several laps, i became very confident that i was one of the faster guys out there. this was enough to keep me going.

it was knowing this, and knowing that my biggest mistakes were mental ones, and knowing if i'd just had my head on straight for this race and followed my own advice, i would most likely have gotten that top ten or better. and while this certainly wasn't the case today, it was definitely something that will build my confidence even more going into the next race.

while 18th is nowhere near the result i wanted, i can happily say i never gave up. do not underestimate the importance of this fact. this capacity to suffer and never quit is what i've been trying so hard to find for a month now. and for the first time since summer of last year, i've managed to make a believer out of myself. in spite of where my name appears on that piece of paper pinned to the bulletin board, the result was a good one.

overall: PASS

i count that last one as more than half the grade. the rest of the mental stuff will fall into place over the first few races as i re-learn all of my pre-race routines and preparation. the physical aspect is what i'm concerned about right now, and after today i feel i'm definitely pointed in the right direction with regards to training. i tend to be pretty hard on myself, but with as good as i felt over the course of this race, and again realizing that my biggest obstacle seems to be the odd mental roadblock, i'm actually really excited knowing that i still have a lot of room to improve.

i fully expect to be running up front and competing for podiums and wins as the season goes on.

And Suddenly...

...it's the eve of the first race of the season - the red trolley classic. i think i have everything ready to go. the bike wears new tires, the gear bag is full of all the crap i'll need and a bunch of other crap i probably won't. better safe than sorry, i guess...
this will be my first race ever as a member of a club. but it won't really feel like it since we don't have our team clothing yet.
heck, for all anyone knows, i'm an unattached rider. so that's how i plan to approach it. mr. anonymous. story of my life.


yesterday, me and a few friends held a race simulation on a course very similar to what we'll be racing on tomorrow. i definitely didn't feel great, but there were definitely some positives that i was able to take away from the experience. one being that in spite of not going 100%, i was still able to finish a few feet behind the "winner" who was completely winded. my only real concern was that i didn't feel that desire to really open it up and bring the pain towards the end. this is always what always concerns me the most. mental or physical? does that lack of desire simply mean a lack of fitness?
meh..probably! but i'm feeling good physically and i know i still have a lot of room to improve, which is both encouraging and exciting.

all things considered, i feel that training has gone great to this point. i've lost weight and gained a considerable amount of speed over where i was just a couple of weeks ago. by no means do i feel like i'm fast yet, but being the first race of the season, i have no real expectations beyond simply finishing well. that isn't to say i'll be satisfied with anything less than a top ten finish, though. i have no excuses. but i look at it this way: this block - these first few races of the season - will simply tell me two things. where i am and where i need to be. to me, this is the most important thing right now. just find out where exactly where we stand and adjust. i've done this before.
typically, i'm not feeling like a speedster until early spring, but i'm hopeful for the start of the season, nonetheless. i feel like the main hurdles are the mental ones. and for me, that's a good thing.

it's supposed to rain and blow pretty hard tomorrow, and i only see that as an advantage for me, since (a) a lot of guys simply won't race in the rain, and (b) the guys who do will most likely be reluctant to push the pace into the wind. in any case, i won't be surprised to see some riders really go after it. i'm just wondering how fast the fast guys will be compared to me.

just hurry up and get here, dammit. i wanna get this overwith already.