Confessional

i keep mentioning the mental aspect of racing because it's really the toughest part for me. but it's not just racing. it's in most areas of life. i have always been the guy who's friends describe as being good at everything, but when things begin to matter i've typically made a habit of choking and making terrible, rash decisions that i wouldn't normally make. i have to admit that when this happens, i tend to rationalize or justify my poor decision-making by telling myself that it's ok. because at least i had the balls to take a chance. the reality, though, is that the need to take that chance was more than likely brought about by a poor choice i probably made to put me in that position in the first place. kind of like what happened on sunday.
see... in the case of bike racing, i guess i tend to choke in the area of preparation. and it's a result of being overly analytical, introspective, and trying TOO hard to relax, which causes me to effectively mentally detach myself from the task at hand and consequently not put in the effort i need to.

that's me. mr. close-but-no-cigar. great at training and practice, but maybe not so hot in the clutch. i abhor pressure, and and it's most likely due to a sometimes irrational fear of failure.

so with the nonsuccess of the past weekend, i went ahead and started a list of reminders to help get me dialed-in in the hour before the race when i should be concentrating on nothing but preparing.

number one on that list: for god's sake, FOCUS!

someone said that you can certainly learn more from giving all of yourself in a losing effort than a winning one. i'm gonna have to say i agree with whoever that was.