Sir, your shipment of SUCK has arrived(race report)

on february 3, 2008, i recorded my worst finish ever in a criterium. 18th...

if i had to grade my performance on various aspects of this race, it would look something like this:

mental prep: FAIL
i'll go ahead and admit that i was not mentally prepared to race on this day in these conditions. from the moment i woke up this morning and heard the rain falling and wind blowing, i began to wish i hadn't registered for this race. and although i had zero intentions of bailing on it, i just wasn't able to get my head into the game when i really needed to. when i pulled into the parking lot and stepped out of my car into a pouring rain, the first word out of my mouth was simply "bogus..." when it should have been something like "i love the smell of napalm in the morning!"
and when my rain jacket ripped as i put it on, i only viewed this as further indication as to the trend my day would follow.

warm-up: FAIL
let me just say that there's a whole lot to be said for practicing what you preach. and i did not.
anytime someone asks me how i get ready for a race, i always tell them the same thing - that your pre-race warm-up will almost always determine how the rest of your day shapes up. as with any other sport, if you aren't already sweating and ready to go at the sound of the gun, your chances of success have already greatly diminished before you ever clip in and roll off.
i arrived at the venue almost two hours before race time, and i still somehow managed to not leave myself enough time to warm-up. instead, i dicked around and talked to people i hadn't seen in a while, and before i knew it, there were only twenty minutes left before my race. then, in another epic-but-totally-characteristic mental error, i forgot to attach my race number to my jersey. as trivial as it seems, this is not the easiest thing to do when pressed for time, and it turns out it's near impossible when your hands are wet and freezing.

fail, fail, fail.

well, as soon as i got that damned number pinned on my jersey, i hopped on the bike and took a quick observation lap around the course. this was my first time seeing the entire thing, by the way, since i hadn't taken the opportunity to walk around and watch what lines everyone was using in and out of the corners. given the conditions, having this knowledge would have been pretty valuable. but again not having my head somewhere outside of my ass was not helping me much.

mental game: FAIL
aside from the all-important warm-up, something i always tell people about racing is that you should always start near the front and do everything in your power to stay there over the course of the race. whether or not you accomplish this is usually a direct result of that warm-up and the confidence that acompanies it.

once i rolled up to take the start, i found all of my friends sitting near the back. and in spite of agreeing to work together today, none of them looked any more enthused about being there than i was. no one seemed to actually want to be here, doing this on this day. and true to form for the day, i jettisoned the last bit of wisdom that might have kept me in this thing with a shot at contending by staying there with them. i should have known at this point that none of them would be of any help to me and gone ahead with my own race.
i would pay dearly for this one, and it would happen before the first turn of the first lap when after a very brisk start that i predicted wouldn't happen, someone caused a wreck right in front of us. this ultimately causing about ten of us to slow just enough for 80% of field to get away. in case you didn't catch it: FIRST LAP, people, and i was already off the back with what would turn out to be ten of the slowest riders on the course. this is what it took to wake me up.

as i watched the rest of the field roll around the first corner with a huge gap between them and us, all i could do was say...."$%#@!!!"

the race was already over in my head, but i still had 35 minutes to work and try to reveal the silver lining of this cloud.

fortitude: PASS
i got my wake-up call, and after the first few cold and painful laps, i was finally able to find a good, fast line and settle into a rythm with a huge sense of urgency that hadn't been there the entire morning up to this point. from the third lap on, i was in time trial mode. solo, all-out, all the time. i knew there was virtually no chance of catching the fastest guys without any help, but with every rider or group of riders i passed over the next several laps, i became very confident that i was one of the faster guys out there. this was enough to keep me going.

it was knowing this, and knowing that my biggest mistakes were mental ones, and knowing if i'd just had my head on straight for this race and followed my own advice, i would most likely have gotten that top ten or better. and while this certainly wasn't the case today, it was definitely something that will build my confidence even more going into the next race.

while 18th is nowhere near the result i wanted, i can happily say i never gave up. do not underestimate the importance of this fact. this capacity to suffer and never quit is what i've been trying so hard to find for a month now. and for the first time since summer of last year, i've managed to make a believer out of myself. in spite of where my name appears on that piece of paper pinned to the bulletin board, the result was a good one.

overall: PASS

i count that last one as more than half the grade. the rest of the mental stuff will fall into place over the first few races as i re-learn all of my pre-race routines and preparation. the physical aspect is what i'm concerned about right now, and after today i feel i'm definitely pointed in the right direction with regards to training. i tend to be pretty hard on myself, but with as good as i felt over the course of this race, and again realizing that my biggest obstacle seems to be the odd mental roadblock, i'm actually really excited knowing that i still have a lot of room to improve.

i fully expect to be running up front and competing for podiums and wins as the season goes on.