i'm not a big water guy. i don't drink a lot of it, and aside from being a useful ingredient in whatever i do happen to be drinking at a given time, i just don't care for the taste. i mean..it's water. does it even have a taste other than nasty? and aside from taking the occassional shower, i don't take too kindly to it falling on me, either.
i grew up 5 blocks from the beach, and in spite of this fact, i also don't swim that well. it's never been a huge priority. call me a rebel, a land lover..whatever. for the record, though, i prefer rebel. it has a ring.
after choosing to forego the big season opening crit, this was supposed to be the final big training weekend for a few of my friends and i, but for the second time in three years, the winter edition of our twice-annual 100-mile trek through the mountains and backwoods of san diego was shut down by rain and/or snow.
with lots of rain and flooding in the forecast for the mountains this weekend, we agreed to pull the plug and try again in a few weeks. it's a little bit ot a bummer, because it's always nice to log some serious and difficult miles to raise that confidence bar a bit higher just before the season starts for real. but while we, as cyclists, more or less get off on the misery we put ourselves through on a daily basis to reach some unnattainable, even mythical level of fitness, freezing rain seldomly plays a part in the glamorous portrait we tend to paint of this sport in our heads. snow pics would have been nice for the hardcore section of the resume, though. totally.
anyway, with as much rain as we've had in the past few days, i've been lucky enough to still get a decent number of miles in without getting too wet -- or cold, for that matter. and with the first official race of the season just a week away, i'm feeling like the pros far outweigh the cons of getting out there and getting a little wet. and really, once you're soaked to the core it doesn't matter much anymore. as long as it's not freezing.
today(sunday), though, was a total wash-out. not only did it piss buckets, but the wind was ridiculous. anyone who got out and rode in this crap, or worse - got caught in it - is a better person than i.
instead, i did the supplemental upper body workout. gotta say it's working, too. i'm looking pretty hot these days. yep...
Monday, January 28, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Personal Warfare
in my mind, giving up is rarely, if ever, an option. this applies to just about every area of life for me, and though some may consider that an admirable quality, i can think of many instances when it's done more damage than good. there seems to be a fine line one walks in this regard. on one side we have heart, and on the other we just have don't-you-know-when-to-quit stupid. even at my age i'm still trying to learn how to persist without crossing the line, whether it be with people or unattainable goals i sometimes set. not sure if it's the same for everyone or if i'm unique in that sense, but i'm sure i'll figure it out one day.
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so i've been training pretty hard the last two weeks, slowly trying to regain what i let the holidays and laziness rob me of over the past couple of months. it hasn't been easy, but in the last week or so i finally feel like my legs are starting to come around, respond, and repay me for the effort i'm putting in. there's definitely a wall i had to break through where i wondered what exactly the problem could be. feeling sluggish in the hills and not having the will to challenge myself on long, flat sections had me a little concerned and wondering whether or not i was going about it the right way. but i guess it just happens that way after a layoff. not only must you reacquaint yourself with the routine, but you also have to remember what you're capable of and what it takes to get there. that, unfortunately, is something i seem to have to remind myself of at some point every year.
as with most things for me, the battle is primarily a mental one. and as rough as it has been at times in the early going, i think i've got a handle on it now. the practice race on sunday went a long way towards restoring my confidence, and because of that i'm feeling like i can push myself as hard as i want when training.
this entire week has been great so far, and while my endurance level is still questionable, i definitely feel the improvement both mentally and physically.
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so i've been training pretty hard the last two weeks, slowly trying to regain what i let the holidays and laziness rob me of over the past couple of months. it hasn't been easy, but in the last week or so i finally feel like my legs are starting to come around, respond, and repay me for the effort i'm putting in. there's definitely a wall i had to break through where i wondered what exactly the problem could be. feeling sluggish in the hills and not having the will to challenge myself on long, flat sections had me a little concerned and wondering whether or not i was going about it the right way. but i guess it just happens that way after a layoff. not only must you reacquaint yourself with the routine, but you also have to remember what you're capable of and what it takes to get there. that, unfortunately, is something i seem to have to remind myself of at some point every year.
as with most things for me, the battle is primarily a mental one. and as rough as it has been at times in the early going, i think i've got a handle on it now. the practice race on sunday went a long way towards restoring my confidence, and because of that i'm feeling like i can push myself as hard as i want when training.
this entire week has been great so far, and while my endurance level is still questionable, i definitely feel the improvement both mentally and physically.
Recapturing the Vibe.
this past sunday was the first race, in a sense, of the season for me. i say that because it wasn't a sanctioned event. it was just a well organized open practice race put on by one of the larger local clubs in san diego.
in some ways these are better than sanctioned events in that there are typically some very fast elite level riders in the field to contrast one's self against.
obviously this wasn't something i was really looking forward to from a results perspective, but i knew it would help to simply get out there and ride around at race pace in a big pack.
given what i had diagnosed as a less than ideal level of fitness on my part, i honestly thought i was in for a short day. my expectations, judging by the ass-kicking i received during my two previous group rides, were that i would probably hang in for a few laps then proceed to get smoked and spit out the back end of the pack in quick fashion. this didn't happen, though, as it would turn out. i was lucky enough to get a good warm-up in and felt confident while waiting for the start. for short races like these, the warm-up is often the most important thing you do as it sets the tone for the rest of your day.
once we were given the signal to roll off, the sights and sounds that make this sport what it is created that euphoric sensory overload brought on by the the unmistakable sound of 50 riders clicking into their pedals and heading off into battle, the clunking of gears as the group gets up to speed, and the whirring of 100 tires and wheels cutting through the wind, followed closely by the relief of those pre-race jitters escaping the gut, letting you get down to business.
after a few laps of yo-yo'ing off the back of the pack, it all began to come back to me. the strategy; the importance of searching the pack for the strongest riders and, more importantly, the sketchy ones. avoid the slow, skittish guys, and stick like glue to the fast ones. stay in the draft. don't waste any more energy than you have to. don't be a hero. that is, unless the opportunity arises. in which case, by all means.
as the race progressed, i just felt better and better. this was a massive confidence booster for me. up to this point in my training, i wasn't sure of my own ability to hang in competently with a group. fortunately, there were no close calls, no tactical or positioning blunders that would cause me to have to work harder than i wanted. anytime i was rotated to the front of the group, i spent as little time as possible pulling. that mental roadblock seemed significantly smaller now, and i was very confident that i could ride with the fast guys in the pack.
the goal, now that i knew i'd make it to the end, was to mix it up a little and maybe even make a bit of a difference. i knew i wasn't going to beat the big, fast guys to the line in a sprint. that has never been my strong suit anyway, so if i was to have any chance of doing anything noteworthy, i'd need to have great timing.
eh..turns out i didn't.
over the course of the race, there were several breakaways that were all either snuffed out or which simply came back to the group as they eventually ran out of gas. but with two laps remaining, a small group of four that had gotten away a few laps prior was still dangling off the front with no effort being made to pull them back in.
well, like i said, i wanted to make a difference and i figured this was my chance with about 3 minutes left in the race. no one else was going after these guys, so i did. out of the saddle, in the drops, i set out to catch the break.
and had i just waited another 30 seconds instead of trying to be a hero and stirring up the hornets nest, i wouldn't have wasted all that energy being caught with one lap remaining. hey, it was something. at least i tried.
as i entered the front straight and got swallowed up by the charging group, i made an all-out effort to wedge myself back into the front portion of the pack. they were absolutely flying now, but i wanted to at least save a top ten finish. and in order to have any chance of that, i had to light the afterburners just to stay close.
i don't remember much of the final lap except that it was painful and that there was no way i was going to be in any condition to follow the the sprint, let alone contest it. not only were the big, fast guys still big and fast, but i was BEAT. and once the final move was made for the line i just said 'see ya' and watched them speed away.
i rolled in nice and easy for a top ten finish. just what i asked for. and along with it comes a new level of confidence and the all-important knowledge that i can still do this and not look so bad doing it.
tell you what, though.. three weeks from now, that move sticks and i win the race =)
in some ways these are better than sanctioned events in that there are typically some very fast elite level riders in the field to contrast one's self against.
obviously this wasn't something i was really looking forward to from a results perspective, but i knew it would help to simply get out there and ride around at race pace in a big pack.
given what i had diagnosed as a less than ideal level of fitness on my part, i honestly thought i was in for a short day. my expectations, judging by the ass-kicking i received during my two previous group rides, were that i would probably hang in for a few laps then proceed to get smoked and spit out the back end of the pack in quick fashion. this didn't happen, though, as it would turn out. i was lucky enough to get a good warm-up in and felt confident while waiting for the start. for short races like these, the warm-up is often the most important thing you do as it sets the tone for the rest of your day.
once we were given the signal to roll off, the sights and sounds that make this sport what it is created that euphoric sensory overload brought on by the the unmistakable sound of 50 riders clicking into their pedals and heading off into battle, the clunking of gears as the group gets up to speed, and the whirring of 100 tires and wheels cutting through the wind, followed closely by the relief of those pre-race jitters escaping the gut, letting you get down to business.
after a few laps of yo-yo'ing off the back of the pack, it all began to come back to me. the strategy; the importance of searching the pack for the strongest riders and, more importantly, the sketchy ones. avoid the slow, skittish guys, and stick like glue to the fast ones. stay in the draft. don't waste any more energy than you have to. don't be a hero. that is, unless the opportunity arises. in which case, by all means.
as the race progressed, i just felt better and better. this was a massive confidence booster for me. up to this point in my training, i wasn't sure of my own ability to hang in competently with a group. fortunately, there were no close calls, no tactical or positioning blunders that would cause me to have to work harder than i wanted. anytime i was rotated to the front of the group, i spent as little time as possible pulling. that mental roadblock seemed significantly smaller now, and i was very confident that i could ride with the fast guys in the pack.
the goal, now that i knew i'd make it to the end, was to mix it up a little and maybe even make a bit of a difference. i knew i wasn't going to beat the big, fast guys to the line in a sprint. that has never been my strong suit anyway, so if i was to have any chance of doing anything noteworthy, i'd need to have great timing.
eh..turns out i didn't.
over the course of the race, there were several breakaways that were all either snuffed out or which simply came back to the group as they eventually ran out of gas. but with two laps remaining, a small group of four that had gotten away a few laps prior was still dangling off the front with no effort being made to pull them back in.
well, like i said, i wanted to make a difference and i figured this was my chance with about 3 minutes left in the race. no one else was going after these guys, so i did. out of the saddle, in the drops, i set out to catch the break.
and had i just waited another 30 seconds instead of trying to be a hero and stirring up the hornets nest, i wouldn't have wasted all that energy being caught with one lap remaining. hey, it was something. at least i tried.
as i entered the front straight and got swallowed up by the charging group, i made an all-out effort to wedge myself back into the front portion of the pack. they were absolutely flying now, but i wanted to at least save a top ten finish. and in order to have any chance of that, i had to light the afterburners just to stay close.
i don't remember much of the final lap except that it was painful and that there was no way i was going to be in any condition to follow the the sprint, let alone contest it. not only were the big, fast guys still big and fast, but i was BEAT. and once the final move was made for the line i just said 'see ya' and watched them speed away.
i rolled in nice and easy for a top ten finish. just what i asked for. and along with it comes a new level of confidence and the all-important knowledge that i can still do this and not look so bad doing it.
tell you what, though.. three weeks from now, that move sticks and i win the race =)
Monday, January 21, 2008
Reignited
for those who don't know, i took a year off of racing my bike to basically do nothing. after suffering a non-riding knee injury near the end of the 2006 season, i lost a great deal of fitness while waiting for the damned thing to stop bothering me. i didn't get on the bike more than 10 times in 5 months after the injury, and though i was probably good to go after 2.5 months, the fire had already gone out by then. during that time, i ate some food and gained some weight. and when i say some, i mean +20lbs. i got really good at video games, though, so that was a plus.
long story short, i started riding again in march, got back into shape and by summer was probably faster on two wheels than i'd ever been before. even earned the nickname "the punisher" from the people i trained and rode with. i remember having the attitude that i was making up for whatever time i'd lost and wanted to start racing again before the season ended. that never happened, though. for several reasons - lack of confidence being the primary - i never did compete in 2007. other things - some small, some bigger than small - caused me to sort of taper off and begin to lose interest again. fortunately, i've managed to stay in decent shape. and though most of the people i spent 2007 riding with have stopped, i've kept the fire lit. ok, maybe it's been little more than a pilot light at times, but believe me when i say it does some good to simply get out there and pedal around for an hour or two a day whether you feel like it or not. just do something.
for whatever reason, though, i still fell into a big rut right around the end of the year and didn't ride much. i have a habit of blaming this yearly funk on the seasons, but it seems there's always something else behind it. this year i became totally inactive and got a little depressed for a while. i defintely had some things on my mind, and it all seemed a little hopeless. but i soon realized i couldn't do anything about any of the things that were bothering me. i guess i more or less decided to move forward for better or worse with the hope that things would just shake themselves out eventually. it was important for me to do this because once i realized i wasn't going to race in '07 i set a goal for myself to race all of 2008.
and guess what? here we are, funk-free and training at about 200% for the first race of the season.
i can't fail to mention that a lot of things were said or otherwise conveyed to me by several people during my funk-fest that played equal and significant parts in pulling me free of it. whatever was said and whoever said it - thanks.
long story short, i started riding again in march, got back into shape and by summer was probably faster on two wheels than i'd ever been before. even earned the nickname "the punisher" from the people i trained and rode with. i remember having the attitude that i was making up for whatever time i'd lost and wanted to start racing again before the season ended. that never happened, though. for several reasons - lack of confidence being the primary - i never did compete in 2007. other things - some small, some bigger than small - caused me to sort of taper off and begin to lose interest again. fortunately, i've managed to stay in decent shape. and though most of the people i spent 2007 riding with have stopped, i've kept the fire lit. ok, maybe it's been little more than a pilot light at times, but believe me when i say it does some good to simply get out there and pedal around for an hour or two a day whether you feel like it or not. just do something.
for whatever reason, though, i still fell into a big rut right around the end of the year and didn't ride much. i have a habit of blaming this yearly funk on the seasons, but it seems there's always something else behind it. this year i became totally inactive and got a little depressed for a while. i defintely had some things on my mind, and it all seemed a little hopeless. but i soon realized i couldn't do anything about any of the things that were bothering me. i guess i more or less decided to move forward for better or worse with the hope that things would just shake themselves out eventually. it was important for me to do this because once i realized i wasn't going to race in '07 i set a goal for myself to race all of 2008.
and guess what? here we are, funk-free and training at about 200% for the first race of the season.
i can't fail to mention that a lot of things were said or otherwise conveyed to me by several people during my funk-fest that played equal and significant parts in pulling me free of it. whatever was said and whoever said it - thanks.
The "Dream"
a bumper sticker asked me, "what have you done to make your dreams come true today?"
i've wanted to race my bike for as long as i can remember. it started when i saw american flyers as a kid. not long after, i watched greg lemond become the first american to win the tour de france, and that was it. i decided that this was definitely what i wanted to do.
my parents bought me the bike, but they were never the kind of parents to support the athletic endeavours of their kids. and that's fine. i suppose if i really wanted it i would have gone after it the way i am now. i would have crossed the fine line that separates dreamer from doer. i just didn't have the direction i needed.
over the next 15 years, cycling would come and go. and everytime i moved on to another sport, i'd always end-up coming back to my bike. but i've never put the effort into this sport that i'm about to this season. i guess you can say i have big plans.
but this isn't my dream. and to be honest, other than a desire to be happy, i don't know what is.
i wish i could say i was doing this for someone or something other than myself. i wish i had some unselfish inspiration to push forward and dedicate it all to. a girl... my dog... something. but i don't. i do it because it was my dream at one time, and to this day i look over my shoulder feeling as though i've let myself down for not having pursued the one thing, outside of the creative realm, that i was ever truly good at. right now it's almost as much of a nightmare as it is a dream, because it's become such an obsession. so that's my reason. i'm doing it because i'm sick and tired of looking back with regret and the gluttonous, coulda/shoulda, reflective mindset that i've been haunted by for way too long now. so, for one season i'm going to take all of this potential that i've pissed away for years - whether it be real or imagined - make use of it, see how far i go, then do my best to walk away and get on with my freaking life. because i know it's too late to go as far as i "could have." it's too late for me to be dedicating as much time as i "should have."
i realize you can never catch up with your past, and you can never truly make up for so much lost time. but you can step up to the plate, prove a little something to yourself, and finally be able to look in the mirror and say "i told you so."
hi, steph.
i've wanted to race my bike for as long as i can remember. it started when i saw american flyers as a kid. not long after, i watched greg lemond become the first american to win the tour de france, and that was it. i decided that this was definitely what i wanted to do.
my parents bought me the bike, but they were never the kind of parents to support the athletic endeavours of their kids. and that's fine. i suppose if i really wanted it i would have gone after it the way i am now. i would have crossed the fine line that separates dreamer from doer. i just didn't have the direction i needed.
over the next 15 years, cycling would come and go. and everytime i moved on to another sport, i'd always end-up coming back to my bike. but i've never put the effort into this sport that i'm about to this season. i guess you can say i have big plans.
but this isn't my dream. and to be honest, other than a desire to be happy, i don't know what is.
i wish i could say i was doing this for someone or something other than myself. i wish i had some unselfish inspiration to push forward and dedicate it all to. a girl... my dog... something. but i don't. i do it because it was my dream at one time, and to this day i look over my shoulder feeling as though i've let myself down for not having pursued the one thing, outside of the creative realm, that i was ever truly good at. right now it's almost as much of a nightmare as it is a dream, because it's become such an obsession. so that's my reason. i'm doing it because i'm sick and tired of looking back with regret and the gluttonous, coulda/shoulda, reflective mindset that i've been haunted by for way too long now. so, for one season i'm going to take all of this potential that i've pissed away for years - whether it be real or imagined - make use of it, see how far i go, then do my best to walk away and get on with my freaking life. because i know it's too late to go as far as i "could have." it's too late for me to be dedicating as much time as i "should have."
i realize you can never catch up with your past, and you can never truly make up for so much lost time. but you can step up to the plate, prove a little something to yourself, and finally be able to look in the mirror and say "i told you so."
hi, steph.
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